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Joke of the Day

"There are 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in Melbourne for a conference. So I'll be answering the door naked this weekend."

"Colombian Necktie Did the man with the Colombian necktie like his necktie? He couldn't say."

"In an effort to improve customer service, Best Buy will now punch each customer in the face as they walk through the door."

"There's a thin line between ""I should do a status update about that"" and ""I should talk to a therapist about that""..."

"The blind hooker helped me a lot with my allergies She blew my nose"

"Me: Damn dog is under the covers again! Wife: No she's not. She's next to the bed. Me: Oh. Wife: ... Me: Might be time to shave your legs."

"How do you get 100 babies into a phone booth? with a blender. how do you get them out? with a straw."

"Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop masturbating... I asked him why and he said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you"""

"So I was fucking this woman... And she said that she wanted 12 inches and she wanted it to hurt, so I stuck it in 3 times and hit her with a baseball bat."

"Trump gets elected president.. On inauguration day, he swears in as President. Before delivering his inauguration speech, he turns to Obama and says ""President Obama, You're Fired"""