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Joke of the Day

"In a stunning display of maturity, Kid Rock announces he is changing his name to Adult Contemporary."

"A man learned that every time he reposted a joke on Reddit, he gained a year to live. He was already immortal."

"What town should a ""mountain oyster"" festival be held in? Oxnard, CA"

"A young pirate asks his old sea dog captain... .. why he wears a patch over one eye. The captain replies, ""Yarr, my parrot shat in me eye... And I wasn't used to me hook"""

"When I die... I just want 2016 to be my pallbearer, so it can let me down one last time."

"[Job interview] ""How would you describe yourself?"" ""I'd use the appropriate adjectives."" ""Anything else?"" ""Over-literal sometimes."""

"Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself."

"Two frogs are in a bathtub getting washed. One frog turns to the other and says: Please pass the soap. The other frog says: What do you think I am a typewriter?"

"Christmas is my favorite four months of the year."

"What did the left butt cheek say to the right one? If we stick together, we can stop this shit."