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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because the p is silent."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming. EDIT: Also, I don't want my time to go to waist. Courtesy of /u/Carter127"

"Q: Why do blondes stand under light bulbs? A: It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea."

"""haha this costume party is great"" ""sir PLEASE get off the table"" ""cool librarian costume"" *sprays silly string* ""hey dude nice police costu"

"Thursday doesn't even count as a day, it's just the thing that's blocking Friday..."

"What is a mother's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night."

"What are the two biggest lies in Wyoming? My truck is paid for, and honestly officer, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."

"What was the shy rock's wish? To be a little boulder!"

"What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky you use a feather, perverted you use the whole chicken."

"I met a girl last night with an AOL email address. She also had no idea women could vote and that we have a black president."