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Joke of the Day

"Sausage fest at my house tonight. Not what you think. Just eating many varieties of sausage. Nice people. Good music. NO GIRLS ALLOWED."

"Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?"

"Trivia Crack is much safer than regular crack, but it will still tear your family apart."

"I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, ""Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"", but she did."

"I farted loudly in an Apple store and everyone got really pissed off at me. But its not my fault they don't have windows."

"I've been informed that ""Ped Xing"" means ""Pedestrian Crossing."" So what? Child molesters on horseback should get out of my way, too."

"I see dead people. Well actually they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes"

"What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit rollup"

"What did Walter White teach? Advanced methematics."

"Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone."