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Joke of the Day

"I ate four bowls of Alphabet Soup... Then I had a massive vowel movement"

"People who talk to themselves are more intelligent then those who don't, or at least that's what I like to tell myself."

"I'm confused, if all these rappers really are the genuine article like they claim, then who are all these phonies they keep talking about?"

"ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No"

"[briefing] CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak... CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up) CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation. CP: (slowly sits back down)"

"I've got a friend who is a structural engineer. He's always complaining about stress at work. EDIT: damn I wish I got karma for this post."

"Our greatest fear is to die alone, which is why I intend to take quite a few people with me."

"What do you call conjoined dolphins Dual porpoise"

"If Steve Jobs can do that to the iPhone, think what he could do to Verne Troyer."

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."