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Joke of the Day
"If I work security at the Samsung store, does that make me a Guardian of the Galaxy?"
Next Joke
"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."
"There's an app to show who's unfollowed you lately? Damn, that sounds depressing. If my number drops I just assume it's because they died."
"It's my birthday tomorrow - in lieu of charitable donations, please send gifts."
"Shot my dog 's'mornin' Farmer: ""Shot my dog 's'mornin' Friend: ""Were he mad?"" Farmer: ""Twernt too pleased."""
"My girlfriend broke up with me because she's lesbian today. She also decided she's a pescetarian."
"STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests... STICK BUG WIFE: ...and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick"
"How do you get a woman from to be, to bed? Give her the D."
"When Snoop Dogg was born, he had 3pounds .. in his possession."
"I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. It was OK. Nothing to write home about"