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Joke of the Day

"do you ever start rubbing your eyes and then it feels really good and you can't stop so it's like eye masturbation"

"What do they do with Tickle-Me-Elmo's before he leaves the factory? Give him a couple of test-tickles."

"There's been something wrong with my smelling lately... I've asked everyone, but no one ""nose"" the cause!"

"A cunt. What do you call someone who says the punchline before the joke?"

"I like my coffee like I like my women Made by my mother."

"The only reason /r/funny is funny"

"What do you call two crows sitting in a tree? Attempted murder"

"What's the difference between a Walnut and a Chickpea? I've never had a Walnut on my chest.."

"me: how much per hour? babysitter: $15 me: okay here's $2.37 million see you in 18 years"

"Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."