164904

Joke of the Day

"A friend asked how I'd describe a hot air balloon, and I just told him it's a lot like my ex, but with a basket."

"It's not illegal to convince your child that she is the only person who can see the sun and must never talk about it."

"What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes."

"""If you can't beat them, join them,"" I say, as I join my kids in demanding someone make breakfast."

"My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues... I'll show him."

"Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents."

"I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something"

"I met a really unfriendly Christian outside the church the other day. Told me to call him Mr Bale and shut the fuck up during filming."

"The TV remote, the G-spot and black dads. Some things are just made not to be found."

"A Jew, a Catholic and a colored boy go the heaven. Does anyone know the rest of this joke? Judge Schmels was telling it to the Bishop in caddyshack. And never told the punch line."