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Joke of the Day
"How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying"
Next Joke
"[neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars"
"What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny."
"Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?"
"[getting a massage] Me: I have tension in my lower back. *therapist begins* Me: Lower. Me: Lower. Th: But that's your a- Me: Lower!"
"GROCER: slide your card ME: it didn't work GROCER: does it have a chip? ME: *puts hand over pringle in my pocket I was saving for later* no"
"What did Kris Kross tell the nervous paratrooper? ""Tell her you're a paratrooper. Chicks dig that kind of thing."""
"I like to make a sandwich with just cucumbers and pickles... I call it the Before and After"
"Wait a minute... Computer! Freeze this porn video! Now, zoom in 900%. Enhance... Enhance... Rotate 360 ... There! NO WEDDING RINGS!"
"*lights scented candle* *accidentally burns down house* *everyone agreed that it smelled amazing*"