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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend can be really loud during sex... I don't know why. She knows no one is coming to help"

"Yes, life is meaningless, but some of the food is decent."

"What's the most unsatisfying prank?"

"If you stare at an ice-cube for long enough you can pretend you have laser-eyes."

"MySpace got old. Facebook got old. Now Twitter is getting old. What next? Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life."

"Ever need to go to the bathroom but can't find your iPhone so you just shit your pants? I know, right?"

"An open letter to the President of the United States. Dear Mr. President I know where you live."

"Why do /r/Planetside moderators dislike the Death Star II? It's a trap."

"What brand of computer is best at singing? A Dell"

"I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos."