5540

Joke of the Day

"I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays."

"I'm optimistic. My life is only half full of shit."

"In To A Bar. A priest, a rapist and a child molester walk into a bar. he orders a drink"

"What do you call someone who raises the dead by giving them hickeys? A Neckromancer"

"[baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby."

"Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!"

"There are only 2 things Donald Trump fears: 1) The world discovers he's been lying about being a billionaire, and 2) a strong wind."

"So, I met this Dutch girl with inflatable shoes the other day.... ....I called her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs."

"What is 19 cm long, pink and my girlfriend screams when i put it in her mouth? her abortion"

"It seems like gay guys get the most sex, lesbians get the best sex, and straight people are just fucked."