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Joke of the Day

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You poke her face. I'll see myself out."

"wife:Gotta go. You guys gonna be ok? me [making my Pop-Tart pop out of the toaster and trying to catch it] Come on! wife:9, you're in charge"

"I'm going to the new Tom Cruise movie at midnight. Seeing it on the Edge of Tomorrow."

"My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow. thanks, Mike!"

"9 out of 10 men prefer large breasts. The other man prefers the 9 men."

"I've only taught my parrot to say ""REPETITION"" so far. Next I'm going to teach him to say ""IRONY AND ANNOYING ARE SYNONYMS"". ""SQUAWK!"""

"I've got washboard abs. But unfortunately there is a load of laundry sitting on the washboard."

"Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one."

"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"

"I bought a race horse and decided to call it ""MY FACE"". Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting ""COME ON MY FACE""!!"