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Joke of the Day

"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"

"My teenage son told me I am a resentful has-been. We had a good, hearty laugh together about that. Then i changed the WIFI password"

"Just had a very thorough pat-down by a TSA agent. Now he wants to talk about my feelings, but I'm soooo sleepy."

"What did Bill Cosby call Donald Trump? A rookie."

"What has 10 letters and starts with Gas? Automobile! Everyone says gasoline because they don't think about it."

"What's the difference between meat and fish? If you beat your fish, it dies."

"[1st date] HER: I love the idea of marriage. What are your thoughts on it? ME: [trying to impress her] I have 6 wives"

"How do you convert Spanish programming into English? Yes++"

"F*ck the zombie apocalypse, it's never going to happen. Worry about the f*cktard apocalypse, it's already upon us."

"Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat."