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Joke of the Day

"wife:Gotta go. You guys gonna be ok? me [making my Pop-Tart pop out of the toaster and trying to catch it] Come on! wife:9, you're in charge"

"It's so awkward when a bird arrives back at its nest and the worms in its mouth realise that wasn't just a free aerial tour of the city."

"I was in a masturbating competition... I came 1st twice!"

"In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an ""A"" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks."

"There's so much sexism in this world. Just once I'd like to see a Maury show titled ""You are not the Mother""."

"Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control"

"God: why don't we text anymore? Me: you know why God: I can't just give everyone a Sega whenever they ask. That's not how it works Me: k"

"A joke I made up inspired by Mitch Hedberg. ""Last week I had to put down my dog. It was sad."" ""I said, you are one dumb dog."""

"What is Stannis Baratheon's favorite genre of metal? Grindcore"

"Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to."