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Joke of the Day

"[sees girl reading Lord of the Rings] ""Ah I love that book. The way that guy is just [clenches fist] the Lord of all those freakin rings."""

"How do you find the blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard."

"Gay marriage is legal now So... Is the internet over now? Do we go on vacation?"

"Please stop looking so hot, I'm trying to stop liking you."

"Dogs are perfect napkins because they just think you're petting them."

"""I'm so glad that pasting that text included the format of the original document!"" -- No one. Ever."

"A shopping mall. Drake walks past a man dressed as Santa, who yells out, ""Ho! Ho! Ho!"" ""Yeah,"" Drake sighs as he keeps walking. ""She was."""

"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."

"It sucks to be a dick.. A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually."

"My dad dressed up as The Invisible Man today He's had the costume on for the last 20 years"