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Joke of the Day

"#rubbishjokes What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A panda with a set of drums."

"What fruit/vegetable doesnt leave your body through the anus? A Stomato"

"Why did the sex assault victim get triggered by the pear? Because pear in an anagram for rape."

"What does a bowling ball and your mom have in common? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back."

"So what are you doing today?? ""So what are you doing today?"" - ""Nothing."" - ""What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"" - ""That's right, and I'm not finished yet."""

"We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive."

"The Hunger Games is the thinking girls Twilight I don't dislike Hunger Games but everyone over 20 knows this is a joke."

"Why has the Malaysian Government banned Cheese Boards? Because people keep reporting they've found de brie."

"I don't have bumper stickers because I don't believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed."

"Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you"