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Joke of the Day

"I think about other women when I'm having sex with my wife. But I always think about her when I'm having sex with other women."

"God *twisting an owl*: I can't get this damn jar open."

"What do gay horses eat? Horse penis"

"Why did the scientist take off his doorbell? ...because he wanted to win the ""Nobel"" prize!"

"[death row] Okay Johnson, it's time. Any last requests? Pardon me? I said it's time, any lastah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one"

"How's it going? ""I'm so glad you asked, really need to talk to someone right now"" You're supposed to say 'fine' & ask how I am. Bye."

"How does Donald Trump plan to silence the terrorists? Muzzle 'em"

"My mate just phoned me to tell me he had changed his name by deed poll to spinal column. ""Can I call you back?"" I asked."

"Hans Zimmer was inspired by one composer in particular when writing the Inception soundtrack... Brahms"

"Groundhogs Constipation is a bit like watching for groundhogs on Groundhog Day. You know spring is coming early, but that reclusive rodent is nowhere to be seen."