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Joke of the Day

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran."

"When I get Christmas cards with pictures of my friends' kids on them, I just draw dicks all over their faces and send them back."

"How did the clerk greet the prostitute? ""What can I do you for?"""

"Did you know that no Pokemon is born racist, they have to be taught that [whispers to Pikachu] grass types are lazy"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my face"

"My twitter crush just broke up with me for saying WWE wasn't real. The irony is not lost here."

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City guess they don't have cell towers there so you didn't get my texts I'm going to kill you b"

"What do you call a happy Lassie ? A jolly collie !"

"Everyone on a flight is technically a flight attendant"