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Joke of the Day

"And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?"" asks mother. Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"

Next Joke
 
"Nine months from now we'll have an adorable, pooping reminder of The Night the Internet Wasn't Working."
"What's the difference between an egg and a redditor? An egg gets laid"
"Why did Tim Tebow's mom protest against the Russian soup truck? It contained a borscht ton."
"There are two types of people in this world Those who can make an assumption based on a previous statement"
"Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections? Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would."
"Birds are dinosaurs? No. I want dinosaurs here or I want them completely gone. I don't need a bullshit imitation dinosaur to shit on my car."
"The best curves on a girl is her smile.....Naw just kidding look at dat ass!"
"So I went to the pharmacy the other day I went in and bought a box of condoms. The cahsier asked me whether I wanted a bag? I said no thanks, she's not that ugly."
"Sometimes I make myself feel important by thinking in a British accent."