163682

Joke of the Day

"I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app... When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed."

"I see wed people."

"Hi Mrs. Smith ... can Johnny come out and play baseball with us? Oh you mean little boy ... you know Johnny is a quadraplegic ! Yes I know Mrs. Smith. We want to use him for home plate !"

"[two australians playing chess in a restaurant] check, mate *everyone explodes*"

"How did the alien tie his shoes? With an astroknot."

"90% of my opinions are a shrug."

"What do you call a boring meme about some internet drama that you don't care about? Dramameme."

"It is rude to start a Twitter account and not state within 48 hours that you want to see what all the fuss is about."

"My Problem Is Making Puns People call my jokes Punfunny. See I told you!"

"BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir"