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Joke of the Day

"If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title."

"For my birthday I'm going somewhere with no internet access. Pretty sure this will involve time travel and possibly dinosaurs."

"I'm confused, why does the Gangnam Style guy want to launch a nuclear attack on the US?"

"I know I know So what do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions? A Crime Fighter!!!"

"Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies Oil the single ladies If you liked it then you should have put a rig on it"

"I surveyed 100 women & asked which shampoo did they use when showering. 99 of them said, 'HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE'."

"Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her."

"What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common? They were both ruined by weiners."

"What kind of charge did the Couch place against the Recliner? Sectional assualt."

"What do you call a metrically inclined elderly assassin? A Killograndma."