163526

Joke of the Day

"We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn't a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow"

"Writing a book titled ""Understanding women"". The first page will have a real knife & the rest will show you different ways to kill yourself."

"Why aren't there any Jewish gangsters? Because they don't ""come from the hood"""

"With Fifty Shades of Grey that came out today, cinemas should serve ketchup... ...for all the fish fingers"

"What did the alcoholic say to the bartender? ""You know, I only beat my wife once in a Blue Moon."

"When I take my drugs on Sundays, I always say ""Body of Christ"" because I'm all religious and shit."

"So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven't suffered enough."

"Bruce Jenner Why don't more people call, Bruce Jenner, TransJenner?"

"[at checkout counter] Would ya like to donate $1 to- -No But you didn't let me finish -Is it $1 toward you shutting your mouth? No -Then no"

"WAITER: what can i get you ME: what do you recommend WAITER: i recommend that you tell me what you want to eat"