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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: there's a bear outside our tent ME: so W: so scare him off M: *unzips door* Donald Trump might become president *bear jumps into fire*"

"Most of the things I would kill myself over losing didn't even exist 10 years ago."

"Two dyslexics are walking down the street... ""Can you smell dog shit?"" asks the first. ""I can't even smell my own name"" replies the other"

"i look like i'm trying to get water out of my ears when i dance"

"My friend has a real bad drug habit Its so bad i found him snorting shake and vac off my carpet last night.............he is clean now."

"""I know,, Let's tape a spider to a lobster and scare the crap out of everyone."" God, when He made scorpions"

"Do they have a shitty attitude because they work for minimum wage, or work for minimum wage because they have a shitty attitude?"

"My Buddhist friend just had root canal with no anaesthetic. He wanted to transcend dental medication..."

"What would martin Luther king be if he was white? Alive."

"I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated."