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Joke of the Day

"I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too."

"How did the urologist ruin his Christmas? [OC] He looked inside Santa's sack."

"Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!"

"What kind of weather puts a smile on snoop dogg' face? Drizzle.. my nizzle"

"I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty."

"I tried to make a few jokes about french people they were all really rude so I didn't bother"

"My phone number is one digit off from a local restaurant's. When I'm in a bad mood, I'll take reservations."

"-This is my son Michelangelo. -Oh, like the artist. -Um no like the Ninja Turtle."

"How do jockeys stay on their horses? Jockey straps."

"A bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally."