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Joke of the Day

"*standing by the turntables at the club* Her: are you the dj? Me: wha?... Oh, no, I was hoping this was a crepe station"

Next Joke
 
"Why did the /r/jokes subscriber cross the road? To shitpost ""DAE hate Trump and Hillary?"""
"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks this morning *Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*"
"What do fat people call the runs? The walks"
"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken. Edited for spelling, even though the guy was a stuffy old turd about it. :D HEYOOO"
"Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?"
"What do Smokey the Bear and Alexander the Great have in common? Their middle name."
"Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me. She blamed it on pregnancy brain. I asked her if she was having triplets."
"What do you call a sarcastic Canadian cow? Cowlin Mockery"
"I smoked meat yesterday... I think that's how I got salmonella."