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Joke of the Day
"I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow."
Next Joke
"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you I'll stop."
"Groaner Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare."
"Every girl I bring home is unemployed, drunk and on drugs. I'm starting to think that whole ""opposites attract"" thing is bullshit."
"So Donald Trump is only getting $1 a year as president? You could probably get an immigrant to do a better job for a cheaper price."
"You may recognize me from such films as: HR surveillance footage 11/13/12 HR surveillance footage 01/22/13 HR surveillance footage 02/28/13"
"I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details."
"Top 5 birth control methods 1. pills 2. hysterectomy 3. jean jackets 4. crocs 5. putting ketchup all over the fries instead of on the side"
"Working on my new book, ""How to Get Through Life Without Reading."""
"Why are they called dive bars? Because they have pool"