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Joke of the Day

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you I'll stop."

"I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog."

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but only if the light bulb wants to change."

"Wondering what atrocity I committed in a former life to deserve this shitty parking space."

"What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot."

"What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government? Formed a coustic d'etat"

"[NSFW] Excuse me, are you hungry? Good, because I'm fucking hungry tonight!"

"Did you hear the bus drivers story? Me neither i was on the back of the bus..."

"Why is golf named ""golf""? Because all the other fore letter words were taken (Thanks to /u/bonerfar... this now makes sense...)"