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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who is both a taxidermist and a veterinarian? He has a sign on his door: ""Either way, you get your dog back."""

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"What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick."
"Ummm yeah I want one of those phone case's where I can put my credit cards in with my phone so when I lose my phone I'm also broke. Genius!"
"Tried Turkish food today... It was revolting"
"How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. Gas chambers don't have light bulbs."
"Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people."
"What is the most common owl in England? Tea-towl"
"Jersey Shore was doomed the moment they named it after Pauly Shore."
"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"
"My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles."