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Joke of the Day

"Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row."

"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be"

"I will never refer to 'drunk me' or 'sober me' because that implies the second one exists."

"Why can't iron oxide get a date? Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys."

"My son doesn't like spicy food. To prevent him from eating his boogers, I pour drops of Tobasco in his nostrils while he sleeps. #winning"

"what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex"

"Oh, you want me to watch everything you have in less than the one-month free trial period? Challenge accepted, Netflix."

"My girlfriend thought the fossball table in our living room was too fratty. So I filled it up with water and turned it into a synchronized swimming simulator."

"You hear some creature making noises in the distance. ""Quick! Quick! Quick, quick, quick!"" you hear it exclaim. What kind of beast is it you hear? A duck. ... with hiccups."

"RIP time spent on Twitter."