162722

Joke of the Day

"What does a pirate with back spasms say? Shiver me lumbars."

"teacher: are u a visual thinker, auditory thinker, or kinesthetic thinker me: oh im not a thinker"

"I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector. All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy."

"At the rate this year's going so far... I'm probably not going to get that puppy for Christmas."

"MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else."

"How do you keep a hard on? Don't fuck with it."

"Two Blondes walk into a bar They both fall on the ground, stunned from pain."

"On the sixth day of Ramadan, my true love gave to me A gay club and an AR-15."

"My boyfriend is tall, strong, protective and flashes me regularly. Oh no wait. I'm thinking of a lighthouse again."

"I made a shitty voodoo doll, once... ...and all the limbs fell off. Worked out for me, though."