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Joke of the Day
"Did you know that trampolines were originally called jumpolines? Until your mom got on one."
Next Joke
"Count Chocula is undead to me."
"What do you call a Russian bovine made out of small flowerless plants? A moss-cow"
"[rolls down car window] ""Sir there's a baby on your roof!"" Wait, if the baby is there... [sees coffee strapped in car seat] Oh thank god!"
"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."
"""I could eat."" - How I answer most questions, even if they're not food-related."
"I suffer from terrible insomnia But on the bright side it's only three more sleeps till Christmas."
"What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There's 20 of them. (Works better in person)"
"I met a guy who said he could get a great deal on a pillowcase... turns out, it was a sham."
"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam???? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."