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Joke of the Day

"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."

"What's both blue and purple and never seen again? This thread :/"

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ""Sorry we don't serve food here."""

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with."

"I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"What do you call a cow thats had a hysterectomy? Decaffeinated."

"Two things went wrong today 1. My Wife got ran over by a bus 2. I lost my job at the bus company"

"The Rock just announced he's having a baby girl... I bet he names her Marble."

"The Lord said to John, ""Come forth and receive Eternal Life""... But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar? They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years."