126568

Joke of the Day

"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."

"What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a cat."

"No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth. Come back when you're less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars."

"I have some frilly pants. They are never on time. It's OK, though... They're late bloomers"

"Why don't ants go to church? Because they are insects."

"Shame that UFOs coincidentally stopped visiting just at the moment when high-resolution digital cameras became ubiquitous."

"My dentist is going to be so proud of me! I've been brushing my teeth like ten times a day since I started using Betty Crocker toothpaste."

"What does a frog do when it's sad? Kermits suicide."

"Why did the black guy get mad at the pirate? He dropped the hard 'arrrrrr.'"

"A sandwich walks into a bar. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: ""Sorry, we don't serve food in here."""