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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security? It was armed."

"This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT!"

"Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea? He drowned in his Tea Pee."

"I once dated a girl who told me she had had sex with Mr. Peanut. She was fucking nuts."

"I went downtown today. I was really surprised to see that the stationary store had moved locations"

"You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?"

"I went into my sons room and found a mouse, so I stamped it to death. It would have been so much easier if there wasn't a fucking cage around it."

"[bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us"

"My wife says I never take out the trash. I disagree. We just had our anniversary dinner last week."

"Why was the socialist kicked from his party? Because he was anti social."