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Joke of the Day

"Apparently impatient midgets don't like to stand on clocks... because it would make them short on time."

"My girlfriend and I went to the bank and opened a shared savings account, mostly for buying weed. ... ... It will be our joint account."

"I just want to be wealthy enough to fill a swimming pool with puppies. A lot of puppies are going to die but I think it will be worth it"

"What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French revolution? They put their head into it."

"My version of cyber-bullying is running around inside a Starbucks slamming people's laptops shut."

"DirecTV/Spongebob Joke Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know I have DirecTV."

"How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty."

"What breed of dog loves to take a bath? A shampoodle"

"A line to use on Polish people You must be a magnetic Pole because I'm attracted to you."

"What do you call a group of lions that is homosexual? Gay pride."