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Joke of the Day

"What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French revolution? They put their head into it."

"I'm going to beat you up with my penis. .... It won't even be hard."

"Me: Help! i need my stomach pumped. 911 Operator: Did you ingest poison, ma'am? Me: No. Pizza."

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."

"Suprise me! I went to the pub last night and the barman asked what I wanted so I said ""suprise me"" He then showed me a naked picture of my girlfriend"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back to you? A stick"

"Punchline Wait, I probably wasn't supposed to put that in the title."

"""shaved carrots instead of cheese"" lol okay Vogue thanks for the diet advice those totally taste the same"

"No matter how busy I am at work, I'm never too busy to complain about how busy I am at work."

"Alcohol is an excellent solvent. It dissolves marriages, friendships and organs."