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Joke of the Day

"I would make a joke about gold But that would just be Auful"

"If someone doesn't respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don't love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly."

"When you're a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them."

"I don't get why Robert and Cersei never seemed to get along... They didn't even have a legitimate issue."

"""I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty"" It's fall?? ""Ya, so what?"" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED"

"Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me It's not my fault they don't have Windows"

"Soviet dating advice Stop stalin, do not russian to things, putin an effort"

"What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker? 30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke."

"Just once I'd like to see an Expected Server Error, as if to say ""Yup! We knew this was coming. Sucks for you!"""

"I like my ice cream like I like my women. Plain vanilla, and hopefully if it lies around long enough it will get wet so I don't have to do much with my mouth."