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Joke of the Day

"A man is in the doctor's office: ""Doctor, can I get AIDS from sitting on a toilet seat?"" ""Well yes, but only if you sit down before the last guy gets up."""

"The snack that smiles back! Children!"

"Why did Jared stop eating subway? (NSFW) Because now he prefers cheese pizza"

"Why was the volcano so pleasant to be around? Because he was so magmanimous."

"""So what do you do?"" I'm a wordsmith ""A what?"" A writer. I deal with words. How about you? ""Oh I'm a uh... weedsmith"""

"My baby was coughing and choking and I panicked because I didn't know what to do. So I grabbed the bong out her hands before she dropped it."

"So psyched! My 1st granddaughter born today: 6lb11oz! Which is not the name I'd have chosen, but I guess I need to keep up with the times."

"Any phrase can be banalized,by adding ""if you know what I mean"" at the end. EG: This morning my wife made me a ??tea,if you know what I mean"

"I got to test the new self driving prototype, the Ford Dixie But it crashed and I can't get the police to help. They hang up every time after I tell them ""My Dixie wrecked"""

"I am watching silence of the lambs for the first time and... I am **eating** this movie up."