161705

Joke of the Day

"Undertaker: ""What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?"" Wife: ""Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."""

"What do you call spending time with you family through BDSM? Family bondage time."

"Animal testing is pointless. We already know they're animals."

"its 2013 fellas, if youre saying anything other than ""punch out a grumpy"" to describe taking a crap youre a dinosaur"

"Welcome to anxiety club, I really hope more people show up. Maybe there was a terrible accident and everyone that was coming is now dead"

"My mom was the best mom. I hope your mom spends today thinking about what she could've done to get on my mom's level."

"I could tell a joke... but I'm not funny. Sorry. Please don't kill me."

"Jokes about wife. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive. LOL"

"*me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa."

"What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine?"