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Joke of the Day

"[2 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective: Curiosity killed them but how...*dies* ~later~ [3 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective II: How di...*dies*"

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"wife: ""im sorry, he has to try everything before he buys it"" store owner: ""it's okay"" me: [lying in a coffin] ""the first one was better"""
"How do you titillate an ocelot? .... .... You oscillate its tit a lot"
"The other day I ran into my Ex So I backed up and ran into her again."
"They say statistically, 1 out of every 3 of your neighbors are likely to be a pedophile. Luckily for me, I live next to two gorgeous 12 year olds."
"Warning: password is case sensitive. password i think ur case is cute dont woorry so much"
"What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your vasectomy."
"Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life.... Avoiding them"
"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you next month!"""
"I just got an iPhone 7S for my wife I thought that was a good trade"
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