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Joke of the Day

"I got banned from the sperm bank the other day... They said I couldn't come within five hundred feet of the building."

"My drift racing career ended abruptly when I drifted so perfectly that my car slid into a different dimension where they don't have cars"

"If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right."

"What do you call a half Irish half Muslim husband? O'Pressive."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong sock on this morning."

"A beggar walked up to me and said, I haven't eaten anything for days. I just looked at him and said, ""God, I wish I had your willpower"""

"""Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look."" - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious"

"I asked an alien if they let their women drive the spaceships... He said ""Yes if it's on autopilot"""

"My sheep friends asked me to find them some drugs so I went to the local animal dealer... Pablo Escobaaaaaa"

"What were Nazi turkeys forced to do each Thanksgiving? Goebel Goebbels."