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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog. I guess I really screwed the pooch on that one."

"I never proof read anything myself Instead, I just sandwich my writings with hateful opinions, post them to Reddit, and read the replies. People seem more than eager to point out my mistakes."

"What do you call an anorexic blonde with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese !"

"As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long."

"When do cops blow up and destroy shopping centers and Walmarts? During Black Friday."

"Still shocked that people kill themselves without first eating nothing but cheesecake for a week, THEN killing themselves."

"My neighbors look so happy. We can fix that."

"What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl? 5 minutes"

"I'm not a fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks."

"Just saw a Fiat & a Mini Cooper get into a head on collision. It was horrible... there was glitter everywhere."