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Joke of the Day

"My neighbors look so happy. We can fix that."

"Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she ""couldn't make it in to work."" This is called managing upwards, people."

"Two types of people that irritate me: 1. A drunk person when I'm sober. 2. A sober person when I'm drunk."

"How do you kill Donald Trump? You gotta guess for this one hint: it's in the name? It's a TRUMPet"

"Where do Robots go for fun? The Circuits! (this is a joke i made up when i was like 10, i don't think it ever caught on)"

"When's a door not a door? When it's ajar."

"I once asked a Welshman how many sexual partners he had had in his life but never got an answer. He kept falling asleep whilst counting sheep."

"The worst part about grandma's Alzheimer's is watching her slowly forget about Dre"

"I wonder who Rose is going to kill in Titanic II."

"They should make a Conservative Insurance to counter Progressive, they'll never fix anything and tell you to let Jesus take the wheel."