161562

Joke of the Day

"Iceland passed away last week... its last wishes were for its ashes to be scattered across Europe..."

"[Auto-shop class] ""Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van"" *raises hand* ""Or a truck"" *lowers hand*"

"Where do angry mailmen work? At the pissed office."

"Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die? Because deep down they're all actually good people."

"How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool? ""Please get out of the swimming pool"""

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? Some people are against shooting guns."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her that's a big word for a 7 year old"

"went to europe once for a miles davis concert --sorry, i meant kilometers davis..."

"[whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice"

"My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle."