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Joke of the Day

"214 of the 234 girls rescued in Nigeria from Boko Haram are pregnant? The other 20 girls must feel pretty fucking ugly."

"Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don't like."

"Remember if you ever get mugged, don't yell ""Help."" Yell, ""Oh my god! It's Justin Bieber!"""

"Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now."

"Why can't blondes finish software updates? They can never find the ""any"" key."

"I was reading earlier about a dwarf who got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"

"What do you call a promiscuous girl in special ed? A tater thot"

"i don't know if that's a burrito in your pocket or if you're happy to see me but at that size i'd be interested in both"

"I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door. Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, ""I wanna watch""."

"I'm bad at sewing Shit, wrong thread."