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Joke of the Day

"Dang girl, are you an unreliable scientific claim? Because imma need you to BACK THAT UP"

"I decided to write a joke about restraining orders. This is the closest I could get."

"Hey baby do you shop at Aldi? Cause you'll love Aldi's nuts."

"Court Comedy In a courtroom, where tensions are high... Judge: Order! Order in the court! Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye."

"What jedi is the best at opening PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi"

"[2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?"

"When the sun explodes you will have eight minutes before the world ends. In a related story, you might want to order dessert now."

"Jason Russel's been caught masturbating in public? Well, I guess it was Kony a matter of time before he fucked up."

"The difference between Napoleon and I... is Napoleon understood the importance of 5 minutes. That's my dream. In reality, I'd masturbate if I could get away with it"

"What is agitated buy joyful? A washing machine"