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Joke of the Day

"[2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?"

"I've got good news and bad news: the bad news is that it's either trump or Hillary for president... The good news is that by 2020 America will be in ruins and Kanye will never get a chance to run."

"A guy walks into a bar Ouch"

"What Did the Upvote whore say to the Redditor? I'll suck yo dick for a Upvote"

"Why do baby birds love Amy Schumer's comedy? They can't handle anything that hasn't been consumed and regurgitated."

"I wanted to start my own last minute grandma rental service... But the name InstaGram was already taken."

"Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I'll ask him; ""so how does my lack of progress make you feel?"""

"Little Susie goes to the doctor... Little Susie goes to the doctor. Doctor puts a stethoscope on her back and says, ""Ok now, big breathes."" Susie says, ""I know! And I'm only 12!"""

"A man walked into a library and asked for a book on suicide. The librarian said, ""Jack off mate, you won't bring it back!""."

"I don't know how you women do it. Every time I try to ""sleep my way to the top"" I get woken up and sent to HR."