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Joke of the Day

"What they say: ""Wow, you're really photogenic."" What they mean: ""Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."""

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world.... ...those who understand Binary, and those who don't."

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler."

"The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed pussy with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC."

"What do you call an Indian bloke in a submarine? Mandeep."

"What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy."

"It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it."

"I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with a baseball bat."

"I'm totally hooked on masturbation! It's a dick thing.."

"BREAKING: Republicans may oppose President Obama's decision to skip breakfast."