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Joke of the Day

"Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?"

"What did the potato say to his lover? You have amazing eyes."

"I asked Luke Perry what today's date was, and he said... 9/02/10! This joke is only funny today, once in a lifetime joke! Spread the love"

"[at ultrasound] Nurse: there it is. There's your baby Me visibly relieved: oh Jesus thank u Wife whispering to nurse: he thought it was bees"

"If I ever open a bakery.... I will call it ""The Bread Pit"""

"r/jokes, please enlighten me. What are some of the most downright offensive White People jokes you know."

"There's no ""I"" in ""denial""."

"A baby seal walks into a bar... Bartender asks ""What'll it be kid?"" Seal plops a five on the counter and says ""Anything but a Canadian Club."""

"Did you know? Statistically, six out of seven Dwarves aren't happy."

"""Paypal me your lunch money!"" -Cyber Bullies"