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Joke of the Day

"Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it."

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should have put it on aloha setting."

"I'm in a Japanese restaurant. I shit you not. They have a vegetable tempura appetizer called ""Mushroom Cloud."" I'm afraid to order it."

"Why do you bury lawyers 20 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people"

"I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow."

".oneliner ihave a friend who does porn; she says it.s not as hard as it looks..."

"To the middle-aged guy in front of me at the bookstore buying several martial arts books: Is that even legal with your lack of ponytail?"

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Just kidding... He hasn't unwrapped his present yet"

"Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don't realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation."

"I hate when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years, Come on guys I don't have 2020 vision"