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Joke of the Day

"Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it."

"[walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads."

"I have never understood why living in the poor part of town... ...makes your skin darker."

"How do you cure depression? A gun."

"""I'm into homosexual necrophilia."" ...Tom said, in dead earnest."

"Never make plans with an executioner. They always leave you hanging. Or cut your head off or something like that"

"When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety."

"What the the planet Jupiter say to Neptune? I can see Uranus from here."

"Fertility clinic What did the perverted embryonic scientist say to the microscope? ""Are those my genes because I can definitely see myself in them."""

"Why can't the T-Rex play the piano? Cause they're dead!"