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Joke of the Day

"We could completely eliminate car thefts by making every car alarm sound like Hillary Clinton's laugh."

"What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress? Me"

"How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton."

"did you know that the earth used to be 100% water? that was until yo momma got thirsty."

"""The secret is that it's all in the wrist!"" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something"

"Best Place to hide.. Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google."

"When you don't finish your sentence"

"Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!"

"[cemetery] *priest says a final prayer* *harambe's casket is lowered into the ground* *toddler falls in*"

"What do churches and guns have in common? They both go PEW PEW PEW"